Object

Right now, at this moment, the most significant object in my life would have to be my cast.  Ironically, today the doctor actually cut my cast off and in its place remains a wonderful, fashionable, most efficient, brace.  Actually, let me rephrase myself.  In this moment, the most influential object in my life would, without a doubt, be my scaphoid fracture; the bone that connects the thumb to the wrist. 

This precious broken object has not only changed the way I live my life, but also has changed my entire being. 

As stated in a previous post, physical activities become an everyday hassle.  Mundane activities such as eating or showering turn from motor reflexes to tedious struggles.    Most people would assume that the physical disability would be the most frustrating but mentally I found myself lost.

Being able to do things without thinking about it is an action we take for granted everyday.  It was hard for me to become accustom the fact that I could no longer perform or do certain things, things I know I am highly capable of.  At first the change just seems to be temporary, something that you will get used to or know that it will change.  Instead, I felt that my handicap became a part of me.  Personally, I feel as if all of my actions are a reflection of who I am or who I want to be.  So, when I cannot do things that I used to be able to do with ease I feel as if I am partially broken myself.  In my mind it is not only a broken bone, it turns into a broken self.  Not being able to be the person I know I can be, or the person I want to be, takes a great toll on myself emotionally, mentally and physically. I look at myself, unsatisfied, wanting to be more, knowing I can be or do more.  

The Dark Room

Recently, the art department stated that they are going to close the dark room here on campus.  This work is an homage to the beauty of developing and enlarging a black and white photograph.

Fear

During the middle of last quarter, I was on the bike path when a skateboarder cut me off to get to the sidewalk.  After flying off my bike, an emergency trip to student health, and a hard blue cast, I ended up breaking my right wrist.  Being right handed, everything changed.  Mundane activities became a challenge and schoolwork, absolutely impossible. 

My greatest fear for this class is that I cannot do my best work due to an unforeseen and uncontrolled handicap.  Especially for art classes, sometimes I feel like I can do so much more, or rather I want to do more than, physically, what I can do.  Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment at 8:45am to get my cast off.  But I don’t know what to except.  Supposedly my break is notorious for healing slowly or incorrectly and the usual healing time can be anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. 

I always want to do my best in everything I attempt.  I feel like my actions, work, achievements are all a reflection of who I am as a person and who I want to be or how I want to be perceived.  With this cast I feel as though I cannot do me. Physically limited, my biggest fear for this class is that I cannot show my true self.  

Response to Lecture 1

The first time I heard Kip Fulbeck speak was in an ARTST1c lecture during Spring 2010 quarter.  He talked about his book and work, "Part Asian, 100% Hapa".  Growing up Japanese American, I am quite familiar with the term "hapa"; my family uses it to describe individuals who are a mixed race, usually of Asian decent.  When Kip talked about his work I felt as if it was quite relavent to me personally and my life.

Lecture on Monday also had the same feel.  When I walked out I actually overheard someone saying how Kip's lectures are more like 2 hours of entertainment.  I enjoyed how his lectures utilize video, audio, and pictures rather than text.  Even with unconventional methods, I as a student, still retain the information and actually learn in a non painful or boring fashion.

My favorite part about lecture was when Kip describe body tattoo as art; especially, when he gave an example of Japanese tattoos.  In my family tattoos are seen as an act of rebellion or body defilement rather than a work of art.  I have always wanted a tattoo on my back, along my spine, of a Buddhist mantra in Japanese Kanji with a lotus underneath (Buddha was born on a Lotus flower).  Or Sanskrit (the original language of Buddhism) on my wrist.  I felt that Kip's explanation of a tattoo as permanent art and the body being a canvas is what I want my parents to see or accept.